I have been negligent on this little space. It will never grow and I will never make the transistion if I don't get a move on, so here I am.
As many know, this has been an incredibly bumpy summer for yours truly. I am coming to terms with the death of my grandson Reece. Really. I'm not just saying that. I visit his grave every week if even for a minute to remind him to take care of his mom, Drama Queen. Speaking of which, I spoke to her today and she is doing fairly well. This is the first time I've spoken to her since she relapsed and we kicked her out of the house the first of July. She graduates from recovery program on Tuesday. More on that maybe tomorrow. I am beginning to take my life back after more than ten years of dealing with her and her addiction. My baby girl turned 21 as everyone on earth knows. This is difficult. My baby is an adult. What does that make me? Sure I'm still a mom, but not in the same way. She is spreading her wings even wider right now and this is the most challenging of all. I have no other younger children to focus my attention.
My birthday was in June. When I turned 30, no problem. Sure it was the end of an 'era', but I wasn't devastated. Before I knew it the big 4-0 hit. Still, nothing to be upset about. I never looked my age. I always looked younger and felt younger. My focus was my girls. Turning 40 was no big deal at all to me. It was a celebration!
Let's fast forward to June, 2006. Turning 49. My eldest is turning 26 this year. My baby is turning 21. I am a grandmother to five grandchildren. Yeah, the big news I received. She's pregnant AGAIN! I'll rant about that later! Anyway... Inside I don't feel 49. Inside I don't want to be 49. Inside I don't think 49. Inside I forget I'm 49. Oh... that's a good thing? I hear you out there saying that. Liars! It's not a good thing.
I've read Oprah. I've seen the articles and books about how you are only as old as you feel. I have truly struggled with this all summer. It's all bullshit. You can think that all you want, but you are lying to yourself. At some point you have to look in that mirror! Mirrors do not lie! Forty-nine is staring me in the face. I have aged ten years in the last four years. It's not right. It's not fair. I have thought about this the past three months and now I must go on the offensive. It's time to go into the maintenence phase of my life.
Do any of you truly understand this? If you are under 45 you do not. Right now I wish I had schmoozed more with the plastic surgeon that married a childhood friend of mine. Maybe he would give me a discount. I wish my Godfather, the dentist, was a decent man and would whiten my teeth as a gift.
It's now time to start with more lotions, pedicures, possible facials, doing something about the horrible varicosities that keep recurring in the legs. It's time to begin taking more baths with bath oils to try to save this skin that was burnt to a crisp over and over growing up before sunscreen and being fair skinned and freckled. OYE! I do not like baths. I'm weird like that.
And yesterday, picking up the triplets as I've done a million times in the past year and a half I strain my back. Another reminder. Don't forget how OLD you are becoming. Time to call the family doctor and get that physical you haven't had since... well, let's just say I can't remember the last time I had real physical.
I was thinking about all this and getting more pissed off as I stopped off at the bookstore to pick up something the other day when I came across a new release. Nora Ephron's new book "I Feel Bad About My Neck". An excerpt from this little gem:
"Every so often I read a book about age, and whoever's writing it says it's great to be old. It's great to be wise and sage and mellow; it's great to be at the point where you understand just what matters in life. I can't stand people who say things like this. What can they be thinking? Don't they have necks?"
This from the woman who wrote "When Harry Met Sally", "Sleepless in Seattle", and "You've Got Mail". I love this woman. She is my hero! I now know I am not alone in my thinking.