Saturday, January 20, 2007

An Update On Drama Queen


So much has happened since I last gave an official update on my oldest daughter who is due to give birth this spring to a baby girl. DQ is doing well and looking well. We have been on quite the roller coaster ride the last couple of months. She moved to a maternity home in another state to remove herself from her triggers and try to put her life together. She decided she was going to place her daughter for adoption. She wants the very best for her child. DQ was told before she moved to this state that if she chose adoption, the father's signature on the paperwork is not necessary. We knew he would fight it, because in his mind you keep your children whether you are fit to raise them or not (and we know what happened when he had custody of my grandson). So this was good news for my daughter.

In November, DQ was told a blood test indicated the baby most likely had a chromosomal disorder called Trisomy 18. This is fatal over 90% within the first year of life. We were devastated. So the wait began for the amniocentesis and results from that test which are more accurate and could tell us for sure whether the baby had this disorder. We were told the baby had only a 4% chance to NOT have this disorder. Well, after waiting over two weeks and making it through Christmas, we finally called the clinic to discover the test was negative. Supposedly everything is fine. We are hesitantly relieved. Not totally convinced and scared to death they will retract their findings at any time.

We are now into January and the due date is creeping up. DQ chose a young couple that she pretty much fell in love with to adopt her baby. The next step would be for her to actually meet them, etc. She informed the director of her choice only to be told that that folder was put in the stack by mistake and that the couple had not completed the process yet. They would not be ready by birth to adopt. (too many hoops and redtape to jump through). DQ was devastated again! There were supposedly only about 9 couples who wanted a bi-racial baby and the others she was not happy with at all for various reasons (remember, we know what we are doing in this area). I couldn't believe there were only 9 couples. I know of three in my own neighborhood who want to adopt that little girl now, but they can't because DQ would lose her support system in the other state. We had this problem with another agency years ago and since then when adoption was involved in any manner with any person we knew, it was private. No agencies. Anyway... this whole paragraph is a moot point due to the fact their lawyer had to be fired for LYING! The father DOES have to sign papers for adoption!

So... DQ is in a situation where she must grow up, stay straight, and raise her daughter. She was so upset and so frightened at first. So much has been thrown at her in the last two and a half months her head is spinning. She has stayed strong. I'm very proud of her. I'm afraid I would have gone ballistic on someone at this point. Everything is working out the way it is supposed to be. Here it is in nutshell ... at least today.

DQ will deliver in the spring. The maternity home has a home for her and the baby to live in on/near the compound where she lives now. Hopefully, she will work there while she continues school and gets her degree. There is a couple who are giving her every baby item she could possibly need because they have just found out they cannot have children. How generous is that? How difficult for them. DQ will return the items or we will store them because I have a feeling God will bless them with a child from somewhere after their generosity.

My daughter is receiving so much help, friendship, support, and love from the people she has met in Arkansas. She has even met one of Dweeb's cousins he didn't know he had! How about that! It is truly a blessing she found this support system. I miss her and am looking forward to driving down there to see her.

15 comments:

Aynde said...

Glad to hear DQ is doing well so far!! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for her.

My sister is also doing well so far. She is starting to take care of her health and is down to 1 cigarette a day. Hopefully she will learn to deal with her problems rather than medicate herself with her bad habits. She still has a long way to go but at least she is on her way. :)

Take care and Hope all is well with the new baby!

deannie said...

Your daughter grows more beautiful with every posted picture. What a milestone for her to take resposibility for this child. I can scarcely imagine what you have been through these last months. Many hugs to you, you are close in my heart at all times.

one_big_pain said...

Why is it that the kids who struggle the most get the most struggles?

DQ has the best support she can possibly get in you.

My prayers are with you both. -cindy

Sarah said...

What a rollercoaster ride!

I can only hope that the baby is born 100% healthy and DQ has a fairly easy time with her. You should be so proud of her! Maybe keeping this baby will give her the strength she needs to stay clean and keep her life in order. You should be proud of the decisions she's made. She's growing up, even if it is a little delayed. :)

I wish her and you the absolute best!

Anonymous said...

Sue,

The recent account of your daughters stuggles certainly brings a tear to my eye. It is amazing how strong our kids can be when lifes struggles challenge very fabric of their life. The reports of the help she is getting in Arkansas are certainly uplifting.

Know that you are all in my prayers as God guides you through the upcoming days and months.

On a lighter note. What happened in Lubbock? I really thought, after playing terrible the entire game they just might pull it out. Bobby Knight is not one of my favorite coaches. Coaching by bullying is not my idea of moral ethics. But. you cannot argure with his success.

Do stay warm and dry as spring is just around the corner. Well... maybe.

Enjoy,
Ed

Christine said...

I pray that DQ keeps it together and stays away from the triggers taht have brought her so much heartache.

Christine

Malathionman said...

Sue, I have so many questions, they all suck. I'm just going to wish the best for you and DQ and the baby.

By the way, only 9 couples wanted a biracial baby girl is a bunch of bullshit.

InTheFastLane said...

What a rollercoaster ride! I will continue to keep you all in my prayers for a healthy baby and a healthy mommy. BTW - she looks beautiful!

KFarm said...

I am so glad DQ is doing well. I have prayed for her. I gave up a baby in a private adoption many years ago and have never had any regrets. The father refused to sign the papers but the adoption still went through 6 months later. Good luck!

the beach said...

Hi Sue, DQ has sure been through a lot of ups and downs. I pray that things will go smoothly from here on out, and that she will give birth to a healthy baby girl. Everything happens for a reason and that little girl will bring much joy into the lives of many. I will keep praying that DQ continues to make the right choices.

Siobhan said...

I hope and pray that little girl is healthy. DQ is looking beautiful. Maybe raising this little girl might be just the thing to help her stay on the right path, since she'll have someone else depending on her and she certainly doesn't want her going to the sperm donor. What a jerk.
I wish her all the best and am praying for her to stay strong and stay straight!
Siobhan

Blu Jewel said...

my heart goes out to you and your family; especially DQ. I will add you all to my prayer list as i know the power of prayer is great. I hope nothing but good things happen for you all.

faithfulmom2 said...

I will continue to keep prayers for your daughter and baby! You are in my prayers as well!

Katie said...

Sue,
It sounds like DQ is doing great (despite running into multiple obstacles), and I am so happy for you. You have been a wonderful source of strength for her, and good things are happening because of it.

I'll be in KS around April 21st, is the band booked for any shows that weekend? I'd love to stop by and listen!

Katie

Angei said...

The whole thing sounds a bit frustrating. I'm glad that she's got a good support system though.

Angei