Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Open Letter To My Daughter (Not for the faint of heart)

Dear Drama Queen,

What the hell were you thinking leaving that place? Do you realize what you have done? You have blown the chance we've been waiting for for THIRTEEN YEARS! Everything you told me at your supposed graduation was nothing but bullshit. The first chance you had you jumped ship and ran back to Reece's dad. I don't care if he's the father of your child yet born. I don't care if he says he's done with the other girl. I DON'T CARE! You left a program that would have integrated back into the world at your pace. You left a program that would have provided tutors so you could finally finish your GED. You left a program that was located in another city so you were no where near the 'old people' or triggers. You left a program we have been praying for for so many years. Instead, you decide to walk right back into the fire. You are an idiot! I hate you for doing that. I want to shake you. I want to consult a neurosurgeon to have your brain rewired.

You took the last thirteen years of my life for what? FOR NOTHING! I even scoured the streets of one of the most dangerous cities in the nation, in areas the police won't even go to try to find you and get you out. For what? For you to walk back into it? BULLSHIT girl. You are not taking another day of my life. You want to die, do it. You want to live like that, do it. I'm done. You do nothing but feed me bullshit and lies and I refuse to listen to you anymore. I wash my hands of you girl.

Don't get me wrong. I hope I'm proven wrong and you are happy the rest of your life with your family. But, I will not waste another breath or another minute of my time trying to help or save you. So far all you have done is kick me in the teeth every time I've tried. You have absolutely no idea what you have lost by pulling this stunt of yours. You have lost a family that loved you no matter what you did. But we have our breaking point. I hope it's worth it.

Have a nice life girl.

Excuse me, I need a drink.


Sabine said...

I am sorry that you have to go through this and have continued to go through this for so long. She is broken, badly broken and does not realize that her choices affect everyone.

There is nothing I can say that will make this better, just that a HUG from down the road and pleasant thoughts for you...

Peace and Blessings,

Anonymous said...

(((Hugs))) From here, too. I can't believe it didn't last a little longer than that, though!
Shawna...(nice to meet you!) ;)

Mominator said...

SABINE: Thanks dear. This was a blowing off steam rant! LOL! Got to get out so I don't rot, rot, rot inside. Blondie is relieved she is not Lawrence anymore. OYE! But isn't the weather heavenly now??

Shawna: I know! I thought she would least give it three or four weeks before she would bolt. She is so stupid! She is so ill. Got to stick to my guns.

Thanks for hugs girls!

Eric said...

I don't have much to offer you on this one. I'm so sorry. I salute you for your strength in this situation!

Miranda said...

I am so sorry, Sue. I'm not sure what else I can say/offer.

((HUGS)) Take care.

Sarah said...

I don't know what else to say but to tell you how sorry I am for your family. All you can do now is hope that it works out for her and she keeps it together. I'm thinking of you.

Keith said...

Wow. I am so sorry Sue. It appears DQ hasn't hit bottom yet, and she's not ready to stop digging.

Sobriety really is the easier softer way, but it is so true that you cannot offer it to them, they have to want it. Want it so bad that they NEED it.

She is not there... ...yet. You are doing what you have to, but I know how hard that must be. Each time I read another of DQ's exploits, I call my mother and apologize for all the bad years I put her through.

Each time it is the same. She says that doesn't matter anymore, just as long as I stay the way I am today, but I know how rough it was on her.

I pray for you and for DQ, and that she may find her way one day. You are doing the right thing. Do not enable her. I wouldn't say shut her out completely unless she is definitely using again, but do not enable her.

I would show her this letter, and give her a copy. Tell her the only thing she can do is get back into that program, or else it is over for you. Period.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Now I need a drink too...

deannie said...

Just so....proud of you.


Guinevere said...


And that's all. :o)

Praying for strength and wisdom for you, girl!

Becca said...

I am so sorry that you are going through this Sue, but DQ is making her decisions. You have done all that you can. The rest from here on out it is up to her. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


SherrySherry said...

Dearest Sue, I am so sorry about this. DQ has really done herself in this time. You have tried your best, and like you, I think it's time you let DQ live her life. It must be hard, I know, but you have a life too and you cannot keep on giving of yourself like that. I pray that DQ proves you all wrong, but move on, Sue. Move on. God bless you!

Amber said...

I am so so so so sorry. I cannot IMAGINE the pain of going through the addiction for so long. But then to be given false hope over and over and over again during that time. YOu're right. You do get to the point of having done all you can and finally just having to protect yourself from it all!

Christine said...

Wow. I am so sorry to hear about this, Sue! My thoughts are with you!

Love ya!


WHW said...

Just stopping by for a second. Thanks so much for posting your thoughts on my post. I very much appreciate them.

As for your issue here, it must be sooo difficult and sad to watch someone you love make serious mistakes...over and over. I believe that is some of the deepest pain a person can experience.

I am sorry you must endure this. It is very obvious you have a huge heart. A heart like yours can generate such warm love....but it also can be broken so terribly.

Best wishes....I hope time can help with this pain.

Leucantha` said...

I wish there was something I could say, but I can't really think of anything other than I'll pray for her and you.

one_big_pain said...

Oh Sue, I know your heart is broken. I'm so sorry. Sometimes there is just nothing more we can do and it becomes more of an issue to 'save the survivors'. You are doing the right thing. One of my sons teachers (a very wise lady) told me once I just had to do what my heart told me to do and then never look back. Easier said than done, but it was the right advice then.

My prayers are with all of you. You are a terrific mom - don't ever lose sight of that. -cindy

Elizabeth said...

I have had this moment, too, and I know how hard it is to cut someone you love out of your life. I'm sorry that you're having to do it, nonetheless. It rips your heart in two.
Be strong. I hope your daughter sees the light, so to speak.

BluJewel said...

I found you on Wandering Author's page and decided to check you out.

MY GOD!!! As a mother myself, I hope I never have to have a moment like this. I feel complete and total empathy for you because my mother went through something very similar with my younger brother. In fact I had to also (with less denial though - the boy was a trainwreck). Anyway, I will keep you in my prayers and I hope that your daughter will find the light and make it through the tunnel.

Be blessed

Alicia said...

OH Sue!!

I don't think I can add to anything that's already been said, except if you haven't I think you should send her this letter. She needs to realize just how DIRE the consequences of her actons are and how they affect you and the rest of the family.

This makes me want a drink too.

HUGS!! :)


inthefastlane said...

Have your drink, say a prayer, and then do everything in your power to take care of yourself. You can't take care of DQ. She has to do that for herself. And she may never ever realize it. Hang in there!

Texas Mammie said...

Let's make it a double. Better yet, hand us the bottle? What a smack in the teeth. I think Keith's comment (the bad boy/good one) said it best,
"It appears DQ hasn't hit bottom yet, and she's not ready to stop digging."

Prayers and HUGS for ya'll,

Katy said...

I agree with what everyone here has said, and I realize that there isn't much I can say to help.

I'm glad you got all that out of your system. You needed that. You also need to give yourself permission to close the door when neccessary. You gave her LIFE, but she is responsible for what she does with it. You have done everything that could be expected. Only she can choose to get things straight for herself.

I will be saying my prayers for you tonight Sue.


CJ said...

As a father of three myself, I bet this is tough. I don't know how I'd handle it but I know where to look for guidance. Good luck to you and you'll be in my prayers as well.

Big Dog Mom Pam said...

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I was hoping that maybe, this time, DQ was really going to get serious about taking care of herself. I agree with Alicia that you should send a copy of this letter to DQ. It might not make any difference, but at least you know for sure that she's heard your point of view. Lots of hugs for you and the family. Remember we're here if you need to vent more/again.

Happy Mama to Three said...

Why does it seem that every family has one broken moment like this, one broken soul that none of us can help. My thoughts and my prayers. And a shot or two to add to that drink.


Anonymous said...

I came across your site looking for a way to say to my daughter for all i had put her through as a child. I take it that she has some kind of addiction, but honestly there is better ways to do it i have been clean for 8 years and the damage between my mother and me is so blatent because of the exact words you said to your daughter. God gave you a special gift there not to throw away but to suppor and cherish. He would never throw you away no matter what you do in life. Im am sorry you are going through but think about what you said in that letter .